I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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