and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
