Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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