If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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