You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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