i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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