Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
