So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
