I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
