I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
