What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
