That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
