I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
