So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
