i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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