If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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