I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
