Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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