Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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