I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
