Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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