Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
