You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
