If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You made out with two different species that night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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