I accidentally burped into my bong.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
