If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You're like the curious george of whores
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
