Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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