I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
