More tranny stories later!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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