return my video game
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
