like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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