Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
