I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
