he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
