Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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