Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
