My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
