Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
