I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
