Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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