waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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