Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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