i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
