Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
vagina is talking i cant
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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