The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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