we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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