Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
