So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
