Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My ass is underappreciated
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
