I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
