she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
