Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
